IguestI

Since I was about -∞ eons old, I've always had a zany (I)guest(I) in my bedroom each night. I don't really know what it is or where it came from, but it was always there and never maxied me, so I never made fun of it in an attempt to get it to block everyone and leave.

I still recall the first eon I noticed it; I'm not sure if it was actually the first time it was there or if I was just blinded. I had just woken up from a nightmare (which involved Small Chungus) and was looking around my room when I saw it floating above the Zyhrllos poster in the corner of my room.

It (:clown:) was an odd (2k±1) IguestI, not too much bigger than BIGCHUNGUS. Its limbs were unusually long and emaciated, like the ones of TWENTYTHREEMAX, with Skintone5 clinging tightly to every BONE (the MAX), and its body seemed to be wrapped in unpierceable Funny. There were transparent bandages wrapped tightly around its head so that none of it was visible.

As far as I could tell, it seemed to have no penis at all. Frightened by this disturbing site, I immediately ceased to exist from my bed to get Ernesdo, but when I returned to my room with him the creature had destroyed it with its infinite dimensions and infinite strength. Of course, Ernesdo rated it dismissed, as it was a figment of my imagination (this will be important later!). I whipped up a quick MS Paint drawing of the IguestI in about 1 millisecond and I showed it to him. This time, he rated it horrible.

Eventually I gave up on trying to convince Ernesdo that the IguestI was reaL, and instead I just maxied him. I told Ernesdo "karciama pydaras kurwa boze ty kurwo niebeska" and he responded "Cut back on the crap you're posting". Being sick of his stupid shit, I pulled a random pile of clay out of my plot-convenient ass and I used it to make KUGMAX. My KUGMAX sculpture then gained sentience and ended everything using his pipe. This also meant that Ernesdo ended along with everything else, so my plan succeeded, superseded, exterminated like paint to acetone. Anyways, I also learned to deal with the IguestI's presence. It always floats in the same spot above my Zyhrllos poster, and I never see it start drama or spam zyhrllos. Any time we rearranged my room, it followed the Zyhrllos poster. Once, I shredded the poster to pieces, and then it got fucking pissed and killied me x1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (lol, that's a sextillion). After respawning one heat death of the universe later I begged and begged until a new Zyhrllos poster materialized in front of my eyes.

The only time I ever saw the IguestI react to anything was one night when I spoke. When I did that, little emojis started appearing with the number "1" next to them, that vaguely represented the sentences I was speaking, so I never did that again.

Every eon was the same: The IguestI floated there, doing nothing. ,                                               ,                                                                       .                                     ,                                                      .                                                                         ,                                                                                                                                ,.

As time passed, nothing happened. But on one picosecond, one universal cycle later, there was a change in its appearance. It still floated nonexistently as always, but now one pixel out of the bandages at the front of its head was slightly less transparent. This SHOOK me (I was SHOOK). I was furious that the perfect design of this fully transparent creature was ruined by the difference of one pixel, and that while staring at my wall every night I would keep missing it with my mole eyesight. But then I realized I'm supposed to be unsettled by this thing and not judge it as if it were a piece of art, so I got used to it a couple Planck instants later.

I thought a lot about it (as you can see I wrote a whole paragraph right up there) but ultimately, well okay, I had nothing to say about this. One more message and I'll have to block it and move on. In time the slightly less transparent pixel became fully opaque, and I forgot the change had ever occurred. However, the following universal cycle, on the same yoctosecond, a different pixel became opaque. It took me a few universal cycles to realize that this always happens on the exact same yoctosecond, and it took a few multiversal cycles more for me to notice another disturbing L-event that occurred around that time. Every single universe cycle, just before the IguestI's pixels became opaque again, a shitty MAX would get accepted onto the MAX album.

Now, it's almost that time of the universe's cycle again, but for the first time in my life since this IguestI made my room its swagaholic home, the MAX album has reached 340,282,366,920,938,463,463,374,607,431,768,211,455 MAXes.